


Look Around

by LaurensandIdrinktea



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-06-02 23:06:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6586507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaurensandIdrinktea/pseuds/LaurensandIdrinktea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern day college AU with lams! Alex is too caught up in his work that he ends up ignoring his best friend, who doesn't take it too well. Warning: This story contains self harm!<br/>I suck at summaries it's good I promise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "Best Friends"

"Come on Alex it'll be fun!" John Laurens grabs his roommate by the arm, failing to get so much as a glance from Alexander. "I told you I have to work John." Hamilton says, voice stern. John cringes at the sound of his first name coming out of Alex's mouth, but remains persistent. 

He gives his best puppy dog eyes and kneels down next to the desk chair that Hamilton was sitting in. As soon as John had woken up that morning he knew he HAD to go on a walk with Alex. It was snowing, and snow was one of John's most favorite things in the world, right after his charming roommate Alexander Hamilton. 

"You know how much I love the snow Hamilton! Please!" Laurens continues to whine like a five year old, probably pissing of his roommate to a new extreme. Alexander still didn't budge though.  
"I already told you John...." (Laurens takes note of the excessive use of his first name) "I have to finish this essay." He says. 

"But it's not due for two weeks! Come on you never spend time with me anymore! It's all about your work!" Laurens complains, getting off his knees and sitting on the bed. "You know that's not true." Alexander says back. 

John just scoffs. "You missed my birthday because you needed to fill out an application for an internship.... that wasn't due until three days after!" Laurens notices Alexander stiffen when he says this. "I already said I was sorry about that." Hamilton tells him.

"I know....I just miss how things used to be. Like when we would hang out whenever we didn't have class and we would have movie nights and you would tell me stories!" John smiles faintly, remembering how things used to be. 

"That was last year though John....school didn't matter last year, now it does." Alex says after a brief moment. John just slumps his shoulders, giving up the fight that occurred too often.

"Right....I'll go by myself then." John says, grabbing his coat....trying not to show his disappointment.

Laurens starts to head out the door when he hears his name being called. "Laurens!" He hears Alexander say, and he quickly turns around, hoping that Hamilton had changed his mind. "Put on some gloves or you'll freeze to death." Alex says briefly before returning to his pile of work. Laurens let's out a sarcastic laugh. "Yeah like you care." He says, before opening the door and walking out into the cold winter snow. 

..........................  
Of course, the walk wasn't as enjoyable without Alex with him, but Laurens managed to smile a little at the sight of the New York City streets covered in the white snow. Alex was right about one thing though, he should have brought gloves with him. 

Laurens walked back to his and Alex's shared dorm room, dreading the company of his roommate for the first time in what felt like forever. He walked up the familiar stairs, down the familiar hall, and stopped at the familiar door. Before opening it though, he hears voices from inside. Familiar voices. Voices that sounded like they belonged to his and Alex's other two close friends, Lafayette and Hercules Mulligan. 

John takes a deep breath before opening the door. He immediately feels rage wash over him, seeing that it was indeed Laf and Herc who were sitting in the middle of his dorm room, drinking beer with Alexander. 

John loved Laf and Herc, he was just annoyed that Alex wouldn't go on a walk with him because he had "too much work" but then invited over two other people to hang out, with no "work" in sight. 

"Hey Laurens! What's up my man?" Herc immediately gets up to go greet Laurens, who just smiles and waves. "Hello mon ami! You were on a walk oui? How is it out there?" Lafayette asks him.  
Laurens tries not to make eye contact with Alex. "It's fine. Cold." He tells Laf. 

"Oui, c'est froid." Lafayette says in his thick French accent. "You want a beer man?" Herc asks him, pulling a beer out of the fridge. Even though John had had alcohol many times before he declined. "I'm underage." He says blankly. 

"That's never stopped us before has it Laurens?" Herc says with a laugh. John smiles weakly. "I'm gonna take a shower, I'm freezing." He tells them before grabbing a set of clothes and heading into the bathroom, ignoring suspicious looks from the room. Alex hadn't said a word to him since he came home.

After locking the bathroom door and turning on the shower Laurens collapsed on the floor. He shouldn't care this much but he did. He cared that someone he thought was his best friend suddenly decided he wasn't important anymore. 

He tries to keep the tears from coming but they fall down his freckled cheeks anyway. Why didn't Alex like him anymore? What had he done? Was he not good enough for Alex? All these questions went through his head as he ran his fingers violently through his curly hair, praying that the guys couldn't hear him crying. Then suddenly he saw it.

The blade.

"John don't do this." A voice in his head says to him. But before he knew it he was picking up the blade and sliding it across his skin. And in that moment it felt so good. He lost track of time when he heard a knock on the door.

"Mon ami, ca va?" He hears Lafayettes voice through the wooden door and looks down to see his wrist covered in blood. He could understand most of what Lafayette said now and quickly responded "Yeah Laf I'll be out in a minute." Before quickly hurrying to clean his wrist and put his pajamas on. Phew. 

He walked out of the bathroom, putting his dirty clothes in the laundry basket he and Alex shared. "You feel warm now. Oui?" Lafayette asked, a hint of concern in his voice. "Uhhh yeah, yeah." John responds, walking to get some food from the fridge.

"Wait dude....why isn't your hair wet?" Herc asks him. Crap. He'd really done it this time. He stuttered a little before saying "I umm dried it." He tells them, desperately wanting to escape their watchful eyes.

"Right." Mulligan responds suspiciously. "Well me and Laf should be going anyway." He says, trapping Laf by the elbow and pulling him towards the door. "See y'all later right?" He says. John nods and gives a smile.

"Yeah see ya." Alex says. "Au revoir mes ami." Laf says, walking out of the dorm with Herc at his side. As soon as the door closes John look at Alex. "Did you finish that essay?" He asks, calmly as possible. 

"John--"

"Forget about it Alex. I'm going to bed." And with that, John climbed in bed and turned off the light.


	2. Coffee

John woke up the following morning with a dull headache. He groans and turns to the bed across from him as he does every morning, surprised to see that Alex was not in it. John looks up and around the dorm and soon spots his long haired roommate sitting as his desk chair.

"John you're up! Let's go out for breakfast!" Alex says, more enthusiastic than John had ever seen him. Although he was sleepy, John still recalled the previous nights events and didn't feel like letting go of this grudge just yet.

"Don't you have work to do Alex?" John asks sarcastically, lying back down. "Nope I finished it. Come on I wanna make it up to you!" Alex says, hopping over to the side of John's bed. "Make what up to me?" Laurens plays dumb. Alexander seems to ponder for a moment before saying "You know what, now get your shoes on and let's go! There's still a little snow outside!" And with that, he stood up and retrieved John's boots for him.

As much as John wanted to be salty about it all, he couldn't resist Alex. "Fine." He says, pulling on his boots and heading out of the dorm with Alex by his side, both of them in pajamas.

John smiled brightly when he saw the snow still on the ground. "Told you there was still snow!" Alex says, grabbing John's hand.

They used to hold hands a lot, but that was the first time in almost a year. John couldn't help but smile. Maybe Alex still liked him after all.

They got quickly to their favorite cafe, sitting at their usual table by the window. John sighed happily as he sat down and Alex smiled, content with his roommate's good mood. They immediately began chattering and it almost felt like old times. They ordered their usual food and laughed together. 

"This is nice." John said towards the end of the meal. "Yeah, it is." Hamilton responded smiling widely at John and taking a sip of his coffee. "I'm sorry about last night John. I know it was uncool of me to ditch you and hang out with Laf and Herc, but I was just being stupid. I know we don't hang out much anymore and trust me I want to....its just hard. I'm so stressed, and I need to be valedicorian, and it's so difficult to do that and maintain close friendships and I know--"

"Alexander." John says, grabbing Alex's hands. "You're the closest friend I've got. I don't care if you ditch me for work once in a while as long as you're always there. And something tells me you will always be there." He says sweetly.

"I will. I promise." Alex says, smiling and looking down at their hands, intertwined. So what if people thought they were dating, neither of them minded it. 

But just as everything seemed good again, Alex saw the cuts peeking out from beneath John's hoodie. 

"Oh my god John." He says out loud. "What?" John asks, concerned and oblivious. Alex didn't want to ruin their good time. John seemed happy and he didn't want that to end.

"I ummm......I'm so full!" Hamilton says with a laugh, letting go of John's hands. John looks slightly confused but brushes it off and laughs as well. "I'm just gonna go to the bathroom real quick." Alex says, getting up and almost knocking the table over in the process. John brushes this off as well and just says "Okay." before finishing his coffee.

Alex whips out his phone before even getting to the bathroom. He immediately clicks on Lafayette's contact, hitting the call button. After two rings someone picks up. "Petit lion! Ca va mon ami?" Lafayette says in his usual cheery voice.

"John....wrist...." Alex was now about to hyperventilate. "What about John? Is he alright?" Lafayette's voice quickly becomes concerned. Alex takes a moment before composing himself.

"No. No Laf I saw cuts on his wrist." Alex tells him. "Did someone hurt him?! C'est des conneries!" Lafayette's voice becomes aggressive.

"No Laf....he did it to himself." Alex says, tears brimming his eyes. There is silence on the phone line for a moment before Alex hears Lafayette take a deep. shuddering breath. "Mon pauvre ami....why?" Laf asks himself more than Alex.

"Me." Alex says.

"Quoi? No it isn't you petit lion!" Laf tells Alex reassuringly. Alex ignores this and takes a deep breath once more.

"I need to go Laf....let's talk later." And with that he hung up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading guys! I love you all! I will actually do the French translations this time:)
> 
>  
> 
> Petit lion! Ca va mon ami?- Little lion! How are you my friend?
> 
> C'est des conneries!- This is bull sh*t!
> 
> Mon pauvre ami....why?- My poor friend....why?
> 
> Quoi? No it isn't you petit lion!- What? No it isn't you little lion!
> 
> I'm trying to do a chapter a day but ya know! LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!


	3. We Know

Alex walked stiffly back to their table, glancing at John with a concerned look, before sitting down in his seat. "Ready to go?" John asks, breaking Alex out of the daze he was in. "Uh huh." Alex says, forcing a smile for his cute, freckled friend. 

They walked out of the coffee shop and John shivered after feeling the brisk winter air whip past him. "Are you cold?" Alex asks him, worried. "It's just a bit colder than earlier. I'm fine." John says with a smile, and before Alex could offer John his jacket, John grabbed the man's hand and pulled him down the street.

"Is there anywhere else you want to go before we head home?" John asks Alex. Alex just shakes his head after a moment. "Not really." He says with a shrug. And with that the men continued on their way home, hardly talking, as Alex thought about his friend and the cuts on his wrist. He makes a note to call Lafayette as soon as he gets home.

The boys arrive back at the dorms, and just as they walk in the door Alex tells John he needs to make a phone call. Outside. 

"Oh..okay." John tells him, taking of his boots and placing them next to his bed as he shot a suspicious glance toward Alex. 

Alex just walked out the door, phone in hand. Before hitting the 'call' button for Lafayette's phone number he decided that this conversation was better to have in person, and ran down the hallway to Laf and Herc's shared dorm room. He knocked furiously on the door, and just moments later the frenchman opened it. 

"Mon ami! Ca va?" Lafayette gives his usual greeting, although he already knew that Alex was not alright. "Laf can we talk now?" Alex asks. Lafayette's face falls slightly, and he nods, opening the door to let Alex in. 

"I already told Herc what happened...." Laf says, sitting down next to Hercules, who also had a very concerned look on his face. They were all silent for a moment before Alex decided to speak up.  
"This is my fault....I've been ignoring him lately and I--"

"Stop that Alex." Herc says, standing up from his place next to Lafayette. He walks over to Alex and places his hands on the mans trembling shoulders. "This isn't your fault you hear me? We just need to get John help." Alex just nods slowly at this, not really taking in what Hercules had just said to him. Herc puts his hands down at his sides, and takes a deep breath before continuing. 

"So where exactly did you see the cuts?" He asks seriously, being the dad friend he is. Alex ponders a moment. "He was going to pick up his coffee and his sleeve kinda moved up....I could only see a few on the top of his wrist but there were probably more." Alex tells him.

Herc just nods his head. There is silence once more before they both hear the sound of Lafayette crying softly. They turn around and the curly haired man is sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. Herc and Alex immediately go over and crouch next to him. "Hey Laf it's gonna be okay buddy.." Herc says, rubbing soothing circles on the frenchman's back.

"H-how could John....h-he's so amazing and he h-hurt himself wh-why....why d-did he hurt himself?" Laf says through tears. With all of them being so close, if one of them was hurt, so was the rest of the group. 

"Hey honey it'll be okay." Alex says, brushing Laf's wild hair away from his face. "John is gonna be just fine. W-we're gonna help him." Alex tells Laf somewhat convincingly, his own voice starting to shake a bit. They all sit there for a moment, huddled together, breathing in rhythm. 

Then suddenly the door opens to reveal a quite disheveled John Laurens. He is looking at his watch. "Hey guys have you seen Alex?! Because he said he had a phone call but that was like ten--" He glances up from his watch and looks at the scene before him.

The three boys by the bed just stare at him, and John can tell that Laf was crying. "Oh my god Laf are you okay man? What happened? Do you need somet--" He is cut of by Alex grabbing his hand somewhat forcefully and somewhat lovingly. John looks down at Alex who is sitting by the bed, his beautiful brown eyes full of sadness. 

"John...." Alex says, not making eye contact with him. John looks confused and very distressed. "What happened? Am I missing something? I'm sorry." John says, his energy still very high. "No no John come sit." Herc tells him, and John hesitantly sits cross legged on the floor next to them. Laf moves off the bed to join them.

"Guys what...." John starts, still helplessly confused. Lafayette takes John's hands in his. "John....is there something you want to tell us about?" Lafayette asks him, tears still streaming down his face. John suddenly realizes what must be going on....someone must have....Alex probably..god.

John's face falls, and all three realize he knows what they're talking about. He looks to Alex for help, but Alex just looks at him sadly. He's pathetic.

John can feel the tears start to well up in his eyes....he can feel his hands start to shake as he takes them out of Laf's warm touch. He can feel himself start to choke up, and he slides a little further away from everyone. Panic washes over him and he realizes they all know....they all know how weak and pathetic he was....he is. He feels like he has to say something. Laf looks like he is about to cry again, Alex looks like a mixture of shocked and sad, and John had never seen Hercules Mulligan make such a helpless face.

"I--I didn't know what....I was just--I'm..I'm so sorry..I'm so so so so so so so sorry you guys....you weren't supposed to know..I swear I didn't think y-you would find out..I'm so sorry." He says, now shaking uncontrollably, with his hands running through his tangled, curly hair. 

"No John please don--" Alex starts, but John stands up.

"I-I can't be here....I just..I'm sorry." And with that, John Laurens walked out of the dorm room, leaving his three friends to wonder if he was ever coming back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm sorry I haven't updated for a while, I fully intend to keep this story going, but I've been super swamped with school and stuff but that's over now so YAY! Hopefully I'll have a new chapter up tomorrow! Thank you guys so much for reading! I'd love to check out some of your stuff, so feel free to leave a comment if you want me to read one of your works! Love y'all!!


	4. Tired

Alex immediately ran after John, not wanting him going anywhere in such a state, especially by himself. Hercules and Lafayette followed quickly behind him. Alex could see the tips of John's curly locks as he turned the corner at the end of the hallway to head down the stairs.

They all knew they should probably just let him have time alone....but they continued to follow him all the way outside into the New York City air. Alex's heart nearly broke when he saw John sit down with his back against a tree, his curly brown hair looking wild and his knees tucked close to his chest, head down. John isn't one of those people who make lots of noise when they cry (unlike Alex) but instead would sit there quietly, tears sliding down his face, silent sobs shaking his body.

Alex had never seen John in such a state. John was usually a ray of sunshine, the person that held everyone else together and now....what was he supposed to do? John didn't see any of them standing there, and for a moment they all just watched. Eventually though, Herc gave Alex a nudge and pushed him toward John, giving him a look. Alex nodded and walked over to John, stopping a few feet from him. 

"I'm sorry Alex...." John says, slightly muffled because of his heads position in between his knees. Alex is surprised that John knew it was him, but immediately knows he needs to calm John down. Alex sits down right next to John and rubs soothing circles on his back, like John would sometimes do for him if he was upset. But Alex's touch just made John cry harder. Alex's heart ached as he felt John's whole body shaking underneath his touch.

Alex quickly moved in closer to John, throwing both his arms around him and pulling him close, not caring about the looks he was getting from the other people on campus. John continued to cry and Alex continued to comfort him, trying not to burst into tears himself. All the while Laf and Herc stood nearby, watching the depressing scene go down. Who knows how long this went on for, but eventually John lifted up his head and looked at Alex.

Alex nearly screamed upon seeing the look on John's face. His eyes were red and puffy, there were still some tears sliding down his freckled face, his curly brown hair was disheveled, and he just looked so....helpless. Alex wiped some of the tears away and brushed his hair away from his face.

"I'm so--" John starts, but is quickly interrupted by Alex. "Don't apologize John....you didn't do anything wrong..I just wanna help okay?" Alex tries to smile, but it just looks forced. John just nods very slowly. "Okay Alex." His voice sounds scratchy, and it cracks when he says Alex's name. Alex is worried he is going to start crying again..but he doesn't.

"Come on. Let's go back inside." Alex says, grabbing John's hand and helping him up. They walk inside with Lafayette and Hercules, but no one says anything. The walk back to John and Alex's dorm is long and quiet, and they all feel relieved when they enter the messy room. John just stares at all of them. 

"John we want to help you.." Hercules is the first to speak. John just nods somewhat solemnly, and stares at the ground. There's silence for a few more seconds, as everyone takes in the situation. 

"John can I see...."

John's head snaps up and he looks at Alex with pleading eyes, but he continues to speak anyway. "Can I see your wrist?" John can feel his stomach dropping. "Please..?" Alex asks again. And suddenly John can't refuse Alex's pleading puppy dog eyes. So he nods. Alex moves toward John after this affirmation and John can feel all the eyes in the room on him. John feels Alex's soft hands grab his arm gently, and Alex's eyes quickly lift to stare into John's when he feels the man flinch.

"John are you okay?" Alex asks, even though he knew he wasn't. John can feel more tears coming but just nods anyway. "Yeah yeah I'm good." He tells Alex. Even though Alex knows that this isn't the best thing for John right now, he proceeds to lift the sleeve of John's sweater up his arm. It was so much worse than he thought.

Even John cringes, he didn't remember cutting THAT much. The horizontal cuts were packed tightly together, and stretched from the top of his wrist to almost his elbow. Hercules lets out and audible gasp and Lafayette whispers "Oh mon cher.." quite sympathetically. Alex just stands there.

"John why....why would you..?" Hamilton's voice sounds scratchy and John thinks he is about to cry. John just glaces at all of their helpless faces. "I'm so sorry....I thought..I though you didn't w-want m-me around a-anymore..I th-thought that..y-you guys didn't l-like me any-anymore.." John started crying again, and Laf put a comforting arm around him. 

"No John no thats not it at all....we love you..so much.." Lafayette tells him earnestly. "I just th-thought--"

"Shhh John its okay man.." Herc says, now comforting his friend as well. John just sits there crying in the arms of his three friends for what seems like an eternity. When he finally speaks again his voice sounds pained and broken, but the other three pretend not to notice. "I just....wanna sleep." He tells them, looking and sounding completely exhausted. "Okay honey.." Laf says, and Herc nods, before they both leave the room.

Alex stares at John for a moment, before saying what he had been thinking for so long. "This is my fault John....I'm so sorry..I know I--"

"Alex...." John says his name as though it causes him physical pain. "I'm just so....so tired." John tells him. Alex nods after a moment, even though John can practically see his heart breaking. "Okay....you rest then." Alex tells him. John just looks away and crawls into his bed, wishing he wouldn't have to ever leave it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what I'm doing with this fic omg I'm just angsty and obsessed with lams lmao. But thank you to everyone who took the time to read this! I love you guys! :)


	5. Fix This

"Alex, it's only 10:00, let the kid get some rest." John wakes up to the sound of Hercules' voice. "I know I know but..he's been sleeping forever! I just want to check on him!" Alex complains. "You can 'check on him' when he wakes up okay?"

John can't decide if he should continue being fake-asleep of if he should get up and ease Alex's worries. **This bed is just SO comfortable** he thinks to himself.

"Fine. Be that way...I'm making coffee." Alex announces,mumbling things to himself as he goes to turn on the coffee maker. "Guys...Look, maybe it would be a better idea to talk about this once we've got some coffee in us, but John might be up by then. What the HELL are we going to do?!" Herc asks.

"We must give him TIME mon ami.." Lafayette says. "If we give him anymore TIME his whole BODY will be covered in cuts!" Alex shrieks. "Yo, Alex calm dow-"

"NO! I am NOT calm Herc! And I will NOT calm down! You TWO might want to tiptoe your way around this whole situation but it's not going to get ANY better if we just sit here and WAIT!"

"Alexander! You are going to wake him!"  
"I don't give a shit, Laf! WHY aren't you worried about the fact that John could get himself KILLED by doing this?! I don't want to come home and see his dead body lying on the bathroom floor! Okay?! I DONT! I don't want John to feel like he needs to HIDE everything from US! His FRIENDS! His FAMILY! Yeah, it's partly my fault for being a dick to him but this NEEDS to be more than JUST that! Right?! RIGHT?!"

Alex is screaming and nearly sobbing now, and John can't just lay there and let him feel like this. He pulls the covers off and stands up without a word, running over to Alex and hugging him tightly. Alex seemed less surprised and more relieved than John had expected.

"I won't do that. I COULDN'T do that to you guys.." John says soothingly. "This isn't your fault, Alex." He assures the man, holding on to him for dear life. "This is me. I did this, not you."

"But I was--"  
"No no, this isn't your fault." John says, almost sternly, and Alex nods his understanding. It's takes about a minute for Alex to finally pull away, and he offers John some coffee, as if everything was normal.

"Thanks." John says, sitting down in between Laf and Herc at the table. Neither of them had said a word to him since he woke up.

"So.." Alex sits down across from the three of them, and John wanted desperately to switch seats. "How did you sleep?" He asks John softly, sipping his coffee.

"Alright." He says, even though he couldn't manage to fall asleep until 3 AM. "How did you guys sleep?" He asks, a little awkwardly.

"Alright." They all answer at the same time. John would have laughed if they all hadn't seemed so serious. "Thats..good." **How the hell did things get so awkward?**

"So uh..don't you guys have class or something?" John asks, killing for the tension to just ***break*** already. "It's Saturday, John." Lafayette mutters.

"Oh yeah."

"I need to go write stuff.." Alex says hurriedly, picking up his bag and undoubtedly heading to the library. None of them even respond. John sees Herc pull out his phone but doesn't realize he's texting Alex.

As soon as Alex ran out he felt his phone vibrate and picked it up to see he had a message from "Mulllyyyy(dress emoji)"

Mulllyyyy(dress emoji): DUDE! What the hell happened to "Helping" him?! And NOT giving him time?! WherE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?!

DAMNilton(smirking emoji): I NEEDED to get out of there! How come YOU and LAF weren't doing anything?! I thought we came to a consensus on this!

Mulllyyyy(dress emoji): Well you were the one taking charge on the whole thing! And then you just BAIL?! Dude, this is exactly what you've been doing to him ALL year! I don't care if youre scared or whatever, okay?! This is about JOHN! You SAW what he did to himself Alex! And you just run off as usual!

Theres no response, and Hercules realizes he was too harsh.

Mulllyyyy(dress emoji): Dude. I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have said that. Just PLEASE come back?

DAMNilton(smirking emoji): C U in 10.

Hercules sighs and places his phone back on the table. John and Laf had just been sitting there, slowly drinking their coffee the whole time. "Okay, let's cut the crap." Hercules spits out suddenly.

John looks over at him fearfully, and Lafayette just looks alarmed. "We ALL know what happened. Everything is out on the table now, so let's not pretend it's all okay. Because its NOT." He looks at John.

"John, this is going to be hard, but bear with me kiddo. It'll get better."

John nearly cringes at the cliche line, but nods his head. "I'm sorry." He apologizes again, feeling guilty. "No no, don't apologize. You did nothing wrong." Herc says, standing up. "So...." He moves on quickly.

"First things first. Where are your razors at?" He asks it casually, but the words make John want to fall apart right there. He points to the bathroom, not standing up. "But I don't wanna touch them.." He says a little shamefully.

Herc gives him a look of pity and pats him on the shoulder. "Don't worry kiddo. I'll throw them ALL out. You and Alex will have beards within a week, but it's worth it." He says with a little smile, heading into the bathroom.

John and Laf hear the toilet flush a minute later. "Is he allowed to do that?" John asks Laf in a whisper. "I do not think he cares, mon ami."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeahhh I know this took FOREVER to update but HERE IT IS! Please don't mind the abrupt ending. There's like no conclusion but I'm tired and lazy so :) I hope y'all enjoyed! Comments and kudos make my liFE SO P L E A S E! I love you guys!:)  
> (Also didn't proof read so sorry if a part makes like 0 sense xD WOW I could NEVER be an actual author)

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah I know there's French in it  
> I'm too lazy to do translations rn tho and I'm supposed to be sleeping but my keyboard is being super loud.  
> I speak French but only un peu so sorry if it's wrong  
> I hope you liked it though! Thanks for reading!:):):):):):)


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